If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life…2/2

What are useful (and sometimes weird) rules that people have come up with for their relationships?

Single folk:

  1. Communicate beliefs, be transparent and express boundaries & deal breakers to potential partners

2. Be open and true to yourself

3. Ask pointed and focused questions to understand the intentions of a potential partner

4. I will not date unless marriage is possible in 6 months (though it doesn’t have to happen then) – I realise that dating is not a defined state of being but a transitional phase on the way to marriage so it should be as short as possible

In a relationship/ engaged:

  1. No close friends with members of the opposite gender

2. Transparency and understanding of boundaries we want

3. Always be honest and open with each other

4. Respect one another

5. Committing to just each other

6. Always being open – we don’t have to share everything every time for instance, if one is going through something, but we have share everything at some point in time

7. We have monthly catch ups to review the relationship and where we are at

8. Communicate, communicate & communicate   

9. Be intentional about spending time with each other no matter how busy life becomes

10. Put Jesus first!

 Married folk:

  1. Silence all other external voices regarding decisions we need to make

2. Same team – meaning that we defend one another in public and don’t openly side against each other. We also do not put one another down, or fight in front of others if avoidable

3. Communicate well! We’ve had to ensure that we incorporate new methods of communication wherever necessary, to allow for communication to be at its best in various situations. For example, writing things down to each other

4. Don’t speak out of anger. Over time we’ve consciously implemented practical steps to mitigate heated exchanges. For example, letting things slide (not everything requires a comeback), discerning the right time to have a difficult conversation.

5. No being mean – just how it sounds. No jokes at each other’s expense, no making fun, and no cheap shots or snappiness even during arguments

6. Never go to bed angry

7. Never raise your voice with each other

8. No sleeping in separate rooms even if you mad as hell

9. Please, no sex before we marry. We were true to this. What a blessing!

10. We put all our money in one pot none of “its your money my money”

I don’t think we had relationship rules, per se. We just had fundamentals that we knew had to be in place like: we don’t lie to one another; when you have sinned against the other – you ask for forgiveness and make things right ; we pursue Christ together, etc. Those main categories encompass so many day-to-day things, for example, ‘not lying to one another’ has meant that we need to have effective communication which means we had to put in work to clearly communicate and not obfuscate issues but at the same time being kind and considerate of the other and still engaging respectfully. These principles haven’t really changed over time – they’re broad enough to catch more and more things as our relationship evolves over time

I hope you’re able to incorporate some of these rules and principles into your own relationships! Comment down below with your own rules and some of your favourite ones from the post :).

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